MUTUAL CONSENT IN THE BEDROOM

Throughout the years, I have been asked a lot of questions from women about sex in marriage. The questions about oral and anal sex are the ones most commonly asked. I love what Got Questions has to say about both of these:

Is oral sex a sin if done within a marriage?

“Many, perhaps most, Christian married couples have had this question. What makes it difficult is the fact that the Bible nowhere says what is allowed or disallowed sexually between a husband and wife, other than, of course, any sexual activity that involves another person (swapping, threesomes, etc.) or that involves lusting after another person (pornography). Outside of these two restrictions, the principle of ‘mutual consent’ would seem to apply (1 Corinthians 7:5). While this text specifically deals with abstaining from sex/frequency of sex, ‘mutual consent’ is a good concept to apply universally in regards to sex within marriage. Whatever is done, it should be fully agreed on between the husband and his wife. Neither spouse should be forced or coerced into doing something he/she is not completely comfortable with. If oral sex is done within the confines of marriage and in the spirit of mutual consent, there is not a biblical case for declaring it to be a sin.”

Concerning anal sex, this is what they wrote:

“Anal sex between a husband and wife, within the confines of marriage, in the spirit of mutual consent, cannot be definitively categorized as a sin.

“Please note – while anal sex between a husband and his wife might not be sinful, that does not mean we endorse it. In fact, it is our conviction that anal sex is wrong, even within the confines of marriage. Medically speaking, anal sex is neither healthy nor safe. Anal sex increases the risk of tissue damage, infection, and the transmission of STDs.”

I feel badly for young women today since most men have watched porn. When I was young and married, these things were never spoken about. Oral sex became popular after Clinton had oral sex in the Oval Office and stated that it wasn’t sex. Then oral sex exploded. I’m not saying it’s sinful, but some wives have told me that this is all their husband wants. Anal sex has become popular in the past years, sadly, too. I’m sure it’s due to porn usage.

Personally, I believe that there should be mutual consent in the bedroom between a husband and a wife, as Got Questions wrote. However, a wife should want to please her husband in the bedroom and not defraud him, but if there are things that she feels entirely uncomfortable doing, she should not have to do it.

 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5

***Here’s a GREAT sermon by John MacArthur on the rape of Song of Solomon. “Mark Driscoll has boldly led the parade down this carnal path. He is by far the best-known and most prolific popular proponent of handling the Song of Solomon that way. He has said repeatedly that this is his favorite passage of Scripture, and he has come back to it again and again in recent years, culminating in a highly publicized series released on video via the Internet last year.”

Here’s part two in this sermon series.

Part three. “That’s a particular problem when the interpreter sees a mandate for oral sex in the simple metaphor of a fruit tree or imagines that the best way to contextualize and illustrate portions of the text is by verbally undressing his own wife in order to make the point as vivid as possible. In such a case, not only has the speaker given far too much weight to his own speculative imagination; he has given a fairly clear signal that his imagination is not altogether pure (Luke 6:45).

“And that is a far more serious problem than merely allegorizing the text.”

Part four. “I have a real problem with anyone interpreting Song of Solomon like that. . . . To be honest, words fail me when I even try to explain myself—when I try to explain how I just cannot even conceive of Song of Solomon like that. The poetic nature of the Song is entirely eroded when we assign such meaning to it: such specific meaning. And I think as well of what it may do to a couple to be able to say “Look, this specific sex act is mandated in Scripture. So let’s do it.” That may be said to a spouse who has no desire to do that act or who even finds it distasteful. And yet with our interpretation of Song of Solomon, which we really have no way of proving (at least beyond a reasonable doubt) we are potentially bludgeoning an unwilling partner into doing something. I just . . . again, words really fail me here.

Mutual Consent in the Bedroom

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