How would you prove you’re getting robbed?

By Robert Arvay

One of my idle hobbies is writing science fiction stories.  The first one will be published after I die, at which point I will become rich and famous.  

None of them, however, is as strange as the bizarre world in which we now find ourselves.  It is as if criminals had broken into your house, while you were home, in broad daylight, and begun loading up your valuable belongings in a rented truck parked in your driveway.  You immediately pick up the phone and dial 911.

“911.  What is your emergency?”

“I’m being robbed.”  



“Do you have any evidence of that?”  

“Yes!  I’m looking right at the robbers.”

“Okay.  But do you have any video?”  

“As a matter of fact, my security cameras are running right now.”

“Good.  Put your phone next to the video and let me see.”

“Okay.  Here’s the video, and here is live feed of the robbers, directly from my phone.”

“I see.  But there are other possible explanations for what is going on.”  

“What other possible explanation could there be?  You can actually see them robbing my house.”  

“Has any court ruled that they are doing that?”  

“Court?  What the hell are you talking about?  You can see them with your own eyes.”  

“Let me talk to them.”  

“Talk to them?  Are you crazy?”  

Just then, one of the robbers hears what you said and takes the phone from your hand.  “Hello,” he says.  Then, “No, we’re not robbing this guy’s house.  He’s just a sore loser.”  He gives you back the phone.  

“This is 911 again.  He denies that he is robbing your house.”  

“But you can plainly see him.”  

“Sir, there are laws against robbing houses.  And you have no evidence of widespread house-robbing.”  

The police finally show up, and you say, “These guys are robbing my house.”  

“Can you prove that?”   

“Prove it?  Has everyone gone crazy?”  

“Now hold on there, fella.  Are you casting doubt on the integrity of the legal process?  How do I know these are not movers, and that you’re not just a sore loser?”  

“You really are crazy, all of you.  Hey, what are you doing?”

“We’re helping them.  Say, that is a nice set of end tables you had there.”

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