Written By Lindsay Harold
“Everything difficult in your life is the fault of your parents.”
This toxic view is very popular today and being actively propagated by many therapists. It is dividing families and making people more and more isolated.
Younger generations are being taught, by the “experts,” that their completely normal, loving parents are horrible people who set them up for failure and destroyed their life.
This ideology is really insidious for multiple reasons. It’s terrible for the parents who are often cut off by their adult children and their grandchildren due to this lie. It brings so much heartache and pain.
Yet the ones believing this lie are doubly harmed. Not only are they estranged from their parents and left without that love and connection, but they are left in their own flaws without recourse because they have externalized their problems and blamed their parents. They don’t learn to take charge of their own life or deal with their own issues. They don’t take responsibility for their own actions.
It’s certainly easier and more comfortable to believe one’s problems are the fault of others rather than our own flaws that need to be addressed. But it’s generally not true. There certainly are horrible, abusive parents out there. But that’s fairly rare. All parents make mistakes, of course. There are no perfect parents. But most parents did their best with what they knew and the resources they had available to them. We have to forgive our parents for their flaws and take responsibility for our own choices. Refusing to do this has serious implications for everyone concerned, including the next generation who will learn how to treat their parents based on how you treat yours.
If you cut your parents off because you disagree with them on some relatively minor matter or some mistake they made in your upbringing (whether real or imagined), don’t be terribly surprised if the same thing happens to you with your children. We tend to reap what we sow. Reconciliation is a wonderful thing and well worth pursuing where possible. Be forgiving as you wish to be forgiven.
Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.
***My parents were far from perfect but I never went to them and accused them of anything. I realized that they did the best they could. This victim mentality that is being promoted to divide families is satanic. We are to be known for pouring love and grace upon others, not holding things against them.
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered…” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8