Whether we like to admit it or not, our parent’s marriage impacted our marriages for good or bad. It’s the greatest model we had in our childhoods of what a marriage should look like. Taking on the good things to our own marriage is good and unlearning the bad things is vital to a healthy marriage. I asked the women in the chat room to share what they had learned from their parent’s marriage and how it impacted them. I won’t share names to protect their privacy.
“I remember my parents hugging each other and give a little kiss when my dad got home from work. Sometimes I would run to them and join in for a group hug. When I got married, I told my husband I wanted our children to see us hug and kiss often, so they would feel safe and secure and know that mom and dad love each other.”
“My mother wasn’t married most of my growing up years. She used men to get what she wanted. I learned that men were not needed or good and only used women (although she did the using too). It made my first marriage not good, because I had no idea how to be a good wife and what not (and my mom convinced me to leave him). This marriage has had a rocky past, and my mom almost convinced me to divorce this husband. Women are the ones who wear the pants, and men should do as we say. But thank goodness, I read Debi’s book and learned from it.”
“My parents always sat down and talked every evening. They always had fun together. They were high school sweethearts and married at 18 and 20 years of age for almost 60 years until my mom passed away.”
“My mom frequently criticized my dad. My dad was lazy. I realized her criticism did nothing but make her look ugly, and he never changed. In my marriage, I choose to discuss rather than criticize (if necessary) but also to build my husband up! He is a different person (in a good way) when his confidence cup is filled up by me.”
“My parents divorced, and I haven’t seen/known my mother since I was under three. I went to live with my aunt and uncle who didn’t have a healthy relationship. All that fed this idea of never wanting a divorce which is good, but my logic, before Christ renewed my mind on this matter, was to never get married hence never get divorced. Had it not been for Christ saving my life and then showing me my error, I would still be fornicating.”
“The toxic behavior I witnessed coming from my mother growing up made me realize I never wanted to be like that. To this day, she still belittles my father, disrespects him, talks over him, silences him, ignores his needs, complains when he spends time with anyone other than herself, punishes him by neglecting her wifely duties….really, the list goes on and on My father is a true saint for remaining with her all these years.
“Observing my mother’s behavior is the reason why I am the way that I am today. That is, I determined early on that I would be different. With the Lord’s help, I have sought to be the very opposite of how she was (and still is) as a wife and mother What the Enemy meant for evil, the Lord has used for good in my own life.”
“My parents never communicated about anything. I struggled for years on how to address issues respectfully in my own marriage. It comes a lot easier now.”
“My mom controlled everything. My parents separated money and everything. My dad worked all the time but was not the main bread winner. My mom, to this day, holds that over my dad. It has made marriage and submitting to my husband extremely difficult. I do not know how to communicate with my spouse as my parents never talked; they only fought. I will say my mom had read Debi Pearl’s book and is trying so hard to be a better helpmeet! I am proud of her, but wish I had learned when I was a child.”
“My dad taught me how a husband is to love his wife. He also taught me that a man wants his wife to only have thoughts of him, not some past lovers! A woman who only has a desire for him alone. My mother taught me how to be a Godly wife, keeper of our home, a mother, and a grandmother! And, together they taught me to look to the LORD and trust and love him!”
“When my parents would argue, it was usually some kind of reading between the lines and jumping to conclusions that led to poor communication and talking past one another. I often ended up as peacemaker, trying to interpret for both of them, so they could resolve the issue. It taught me not to jump to conclusions or take offense before I have all the information, but rather to listen and understand first.”
“My parents were not married and fought about EVERYTHING. They didn’t agree on anything, ever and it even got violent many times. I felt very unsafe, and my life wasn’t stable. In marriage, I try to never pursue an argument because God calls me not to, but also because I would be contributing to making my children feel unsafe and sad. They love their father, and I love my husband.”
“Maybe it is because my parents divorced when I was young, but I remember frequently praying for my husband to always be there for me. I didn’t want someone that traveled a lot for work and would be gone.”
“My mother had two bad marriages, one to my father and another to my stepfather. Both times, she tried to rule the roost. It was so ugly that I determined not to do that in my own marriage, but it WAS what I grew up learning and it was difficult. It took me a LONG time to learn. Both my sisters felt the same way and both struggled as well, one more than the other.”
“My parents were married 20 plus years when I was born as the youngest of eight. They were an exceptional team. Despite my dad only having an eighth grade education and low skilled, low paid factory jobs, my parents were millionaires when they died. They both were excellent at pinching pennies, investing in the future, and working together as a team. It taught me the amazing things that can be accomplished in a lifetime by a married couple that works together and not against one another. At least seven of the eight children are committed Christians.”
Do you realize how much easier it will be for your daughter to be a godly, submissive wife to her future husband IF you model it to her while she is growing up? It will be a HUGE advantage to her in marriage and in life. It’s a blessing that you give her.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.