Women believe their husbands should meet their emotional needs, whatever that means. Here’s what Psychology Today said about this: “The idea of ’emotional needs’ is one of the more harmful notions of pop psychology. The term came into popular discourse in the 1980s, as part of what is known as the culture of self-obsession, which has grown steadily, as scores on measures of narcissism indicate.” I am not a fan of psychology, but I agree with this completely.
I tried to find Bible verses on emotional needs, but there weren’t any. Yes, we’re emotional beings, especially us women. This is one of our main struggles, dealing with our emotions in a positive way. It’s good to mourn with those who mourn and grieve with those who grieve, but to focus upon our “emotional needs” can easily delve into self-pity which is satanic. It’s taking our eyes off of Christ and putting them onto ourselves.
When I was a young wife, I used my emotions to manipulate my husband. Many women do this. They will give them the silent treatment in order to get what they want. They will allow their emotions to control their behavior. If they’re feeling good and everything is right with the world, they’re happy. If their husband is doing something they don’t like or they’re simply plain angry with them, their behavior will clearly show this to everyone in their home.
From the article: “The perception of need falsely explains much of our negative experience in intimate relationships. If I feel bad in any way for any reason, it’s because my partner isn’t meeting my needs. It doesn’t matter that I’m tired, not exercising, bored, ineffective at work, or stressed from the commute and the declining stock market, or if I’m mistreating him or her or otherwise violating my values; I’m convinced that I feel bad because she’s not meeting my needs.”
God has some things to say about our thought lives in which our emotions flow. He commands that we take EVERY thought captive to the obedience of Christ. He tells us that we are transformed by renewing our minds with Truth. He wants us to dwell on the good and the lovely. He doesn’t want us self-analyzing our emotions nor allowing our emotions to dictate our behavior. He wants Truth to dictate our behavior.
This obsession with emotions is not healthy. If you feel like crying, then cry but don’t let it linger and cause you to steal your joy. If you’re upset about something your husband is doing, you must decide if you’re being reasonable or simply deciding you want your own way. Share your thoughts with him if you haven’t already and have decided you need to do so, but then give it to the Lord. Don’t become a contentious wife as the Proverbs warns about. Pour love and grace freely upon your husband and others.
All of your anxious, fearful, critical, and negative emotions need to be dealt with in a biblical way. Replace all of these thoughts with Truth, and the promises God gives to you. If you’re anxious and fearful, quickly remind yourself that the joy of the Lord is your strength, and we are not to be anxious about anything but be thankful instead and give all of our requests to the Lord. He is in control. He owns everything. He wants us to trust Him.
With the critical and negative emotions, kick them out immediately and begin to be thankful and dwell on the lovely and the good instead. Thank the Lord for all of the blessings you have in your life. We are commanded to rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS! Then He repeats it, “Again, I say rejoice!” Don’t allow your bad emotions to steal your joy or the joy of others.
Yes, it takes practice, women, but it’s SO worth it. Don’t allow your PMS hormones dictate your behavior either. Don’t allow sickness or disease dictate them. Let truth dictate your behavior!
As many of you know, I was very sick for 30 years. Early on, I decided that just because I was miserable and suffering didn’t mean I was going to make my children’s lives miserable. I learned to suffer in silence and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. My children witnessed this. They saw that I never blamed God, and I didn’t complain. I never lost my faith. This was a far greater witness to the power of Christ living in me than anything else I could have done while raising them.
You may think this is too hard for you. No, you can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you! The more you do it, the easier it will become. No longer be led by your feelings and emotions. Your family will enjoy your peaceful, joyful, and steady presence in their lives as you learn to dwell on the good and the lovely and be thankful. This will bless your family tremendously!
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5
***Here’s a video I made on this topic: Husbands are NOT Commanded to Meet Our Emotional Needs