Men – Seek Helpmates, Not Soulmates

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Thomas Hardy and T.S. Eliot married their secretaries. 
Dostoyevsky married his translator. I married my webmaster.
It was love at first site. 

“Love perfection but do not seek it in a flawed fellow human being, a woman. “
“And God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a help meet for him.”  Genesis 2:18

Update-  I could almost feel my friend, a feminized male, flinch when I said, “The heterosexual dynamic is based on a man convincing a woman that his plan is in her best interests.” I had committed heresy. These words are politically incorrect in our Cabalist societal cult. Forbidden. Yet ironically they make for successful relationships while feminism usually doesn’t.  
As I have said, men want power; women want love. Heterosexual marriage is the exchange of the two. Women surrender power in exchange for male power expressed as love. Exclusive sex is the symbol of this contract. I’m not suggesting a woman should acquiesce to all men (as they do sexually under feminism) but only to the man who has patiently earned her love (trust) through courtship. If she ceases to acquiesce or he ceases to love, the contract is broken.
The conversation turned to child-rearing. My friend has a four-year-old son and remarked that he is tired of letting his son make the decisions. Children want to be told what to do. Ironically, that is true of many women also. They want responsible loving leadership. Men have been emasculated. Masculinity involves taking loving charge of a woman (and children.) 
In our society, there is a pathological emphasis on “relationships.”  We seek to be validated by other people. Paradoxically, this over-dependence on others tends to impede successful relationships. The most important relationship is with yourself. That’s the only approval we need. 
A woman should not be loved for her sex appeal or beauty. She did nothing to deserve them. They are gifts of nature.  A woman should be loved for her deeds. She should earn a man’s love. 

Updated from April 26, 2014
by Henry Makow Ph.D.

I wish I understood the following 48 years ago when I was 21. 

Men, marry a helpmate, not a soulmate. I have been married to one for 19 years. It works for me. If you can find a “soulmate,” I tip my hat to you.

To those who say helpmates are boring, I say “Hallelujah.” I don’t depend on my marriage for excitement.  However, my wife is not what feminists call “a doormat.” She has a masters degree and a career. She’s smart, honest and has a good sense of humor. 

“You contradict everything I say,” I tell her. “Not all the time,” she replies. 

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I have brought her breakfast in bed for 19 years, a gesture of my love and appreciation for letting me be the boss.

So, here’s my advice in ten points. 

1. Man is governed by his thoughts.Imagine steak and he salivates. Imagine a beautiful half-naked woman in handcuffs and he gets aroused. Whoever controls his thoughts controls him. Obviously, it’s best if he controls his own thoughts. 

2. Society suffers from mass hypnosis.  We have been inducted by Hollywood into a bogus religion of sex and relationships which has supplanted genuine religion. Hollywood’s Cabalist Jewish assumptions have become our assumptions. They include 1. Romantic “love” is the meaning and purpose of life. 2. Male life is impossible without women who are paragons of virtue and beauty.  3. Since sex with these angels is the highest experience life has to offer, they do us a favor by sleeping with us. (Ethereal beings, they have no sexual needs.)  The drumbeat, “you’re so wonderful; I need your love and can’t live without you” is repeated ad nauseam by popular music. There is no correlation between a woman’s appearance and her character.  

3. Romantic love is a bogus religion- idolatry. “Love” is an ersatz of our relationship to God. We love perfection. People are not perfect.  “Be ye therefore perfect even as your father in heaven is perfect.” Matthew 5:48. The soulmate we seek is really God.

4. For heterosexual men, “love” usually involves a woman.  But, are women lovable? Most men mistake sexual attraction for love. After survival, sex is our most powerful natural instinct. But that’s all it is. Programming. We shouldn’t allow nature to control us any more than Hollywood.

5. What else can she do? In the “olden days,” men looked for women who could cook, clean, sew, milk the cow and look after babies. Sometimes they could play the piano.  Nowadays, many young women think they need to be good for one thing only, and that gets old fast. 

6. Men were not intended to “love” women in the sense of adore them.That invariably leads to trouble. We adore what we want and we want sex. But that gives them too much power. Let’s look at women, minus sex appeal. Let’s demystify them. 

Women are different from men. They tend to be more passive, emotional, subjective and concerned with down-to-earth practical considerations. On walks, my wife warns me about stepping in dog shit. I have my head in the clouds. She has her feet on the ground. 

Women are primarily interested in security and perhaps are less scrupulous than men. They tend to be insecure and harbor feelings of worthlessness unless a man gives them purpose. These are fine qualities in a helpmate but not a soulmate. 

Paradoxically, this kind of realism makes a man more attractive to women who naturally disdain men they can control. They want to be lovingly controlled. 
7. The whole concept of a “soulmate” is bogus and extremely selfish. It’s based on a time when women weren’t expected to think. They would adopt their man’s ideas as well as his name. Many young men are still looking for these “soulmates.” 

8.  Distance is actually better than intimacy. It’s intimacy elevated to a higher level. It involves a realization that “hey, you’re totally different from me” and “are pretty limited in some ways” but “so am I in other ways and we don’t have to be alike.” It involves respecting differences. 

“Love” as commonly understood forces people to be too close. It holds men and women to an impossible standard.  We’re not all that lovable. I’ll settle for a bond based on respect, trust, consideration, and gratitude. Marriage is better when the societal pressure “to be in love” is removed.

9. Love is based on self-sacrifice.  I love the people who sacrifice for me and give me the benefit of the doubt. It makes me want to reciprocate. We need to clear away the romantic mist and recognize that the basis of real love is mutual dependence. 

10. We don’t recognize how oppressive and time consuming our sexual obsession really is. We’re feel-good addicts. We’ve been trained to search for that “special someone” who will make us “feel good.”  Usually, this ends in disaster because we cannot depend on others for this and call it love. 

In conclusion, women used to sacrifice for husband and family and were cherished in return. They have been reprogrammed to seek power instead of love. Their hearts and their minds are at war. They are ticking time bombs. 

There is no Santa Claus. “Romantic love” is a crock. Sex is meant to be linked to procreation, or at least marriage. It was not meant to be a recreation and full-time obsession.
Romantic infatuation is usually based on some perceived advantage rather than any genuine feeling. It’s a woman’s thing and turns men into women. I hate to see another man waste his life chasing this chimera. 

I advise men to seek women who want to serve them and their goals, who want to have their children and make a home. When you love someone without illusion, a helpmate can transform into a different kind of soul mate.

RelatedPlace for Possessiveness in Marriage

https://www.henrymakow.com/2019/10/men-seek-helpmates-not-soulmates.html

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