Recently, I wrote this tweet: “Can a wife deny her husband sexually if he watches porn? No. Wives may win disobedient husbands by living in subjection to them with godly behavior. He’s responsible for his porn addiction. A wife is responsible for denying him sex. Both are sinful. Obey God even when it’s hard.” I then shared in on Instagram and received hundreds of comment. This tweet actually caused a firestorm of reaction from many women.
Many women falsely believe that if their husband watches porn, this is grounds for divorce since their husbands are committing adultery in the heart, as Jesus said about lust in Matthew 5:27,28. “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” The next two verses say this: “And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out…And if thy right hand offend thee, cut if off…” So, if we were to take Jesus seriously, none of us would have eyes or hands, right?
Jesus came to earth to fulfill the Law, then be a sacrifice for our sins. While He was on earth, He was living under the Law, and He even more narrowly defined the Law as in lust becoming adultery in the heart and if you sin, pluck out your eyes and cut off your hand in order to let everyone know that they are sinners in need of a Savior.
Yes, watching porn is sin. It’s destructive and extremely harmful to those who watch it. It exploits women and children. It has caused sex trafficking to explode. It causes men to lose their masculinity and even turns some into sodomites. I hate porn! BUT it is not a reason to divorce a husband. Yes, it’s lust. Yes, it’s committing adultery in the heart, but committing adultery in the heart is different than committing it in the flesh. ALL men have lusted at one time or another. Many women have too. This doesn’t give their spouses the right to divorce them.
TheJoyFilledWife is married to a man who was deeply entrenched in porn. He didn’t even want to have sex with her, and she’s a beautiful, godly, and submissive wife. She won her husband! She had no desire to divorce her husband. She loved him! She was willing to fight for her marriage even though it required patience and suffering. This is what God asks of us! “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear” (1 Peter 3:1,2).
Some women asked me what to do if a husband is looking at child porn. Call the authorities! This is against the law and hopefully always will be. What if his porn addiction leads to adultery in the flesh? Then, it’s the wife’s choice to either continue fighting for her marriage or not. I have known women who have won their husbands back after affairs.
What if his porn addiction leads to physical abuse? Then, call the authorities! But the majority of husbands watching porn aren’t watching child porn nor physically abusing their wives or children. This is who this post is for. Your marriage is worth fighting for. Your children will be deeply scared from divorce. This is why God hates divorce. You must remind yourself that this is a spiritual battle being waged in the heavenlies. Put on your full armor of the Lord daily and walk in the Spirit. The Lord will be your defender and your strength through this battle. Be in His Word daily. Renew your mind with Truth. The battle is the Lord’s. Trust Him.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
1 Corinthians 7:5