Lori Alexander Comments 14 Comments
Many women who have waited for sex until marriage are nervous for their wedding nights. It’s a GREAT situation to be in! It’s good to be nervous and inexperienced on this special night and learn with your husband who you have committed yourself for life. What a blessing and a gift you give to your husband! I asked the women in the chat room what advice they would give to women in this situation.
“Try to not be nervous about your body. And if you are nervous, pray. It seems odd to pray during a sexual act but God made sex for marriage. I remember distinctly asking God to calm my nerves and to bless that time, and He certainly did!”
“Understand that this is the beginning of ‘knowing’ one another. It is NOTHING like it’s portrayed in books/movies. It’s likely to be awkward and he may be overwhelmed at first. Relax, laugh, snuggle, and praise God for the joy of learning this intimacy with all its nuances, with this man you’ll share the rest of your life ‘knowing.’”
“Because of today’s culture, I think we fantasize and/or panic about what it’ll be like. Don’t. Try to let yourself go and be in the moment with your husband. I can almost guarantee you that your husband will not notice and/or care about any imperfections you could be dwelling on. Relax! While it may be easier said than done, things go more smoothly than when you’re stressed out the whole time. Praying really helps here. Communication is also key. If you need some time to relax, communicate that. No husband wants to cause any sort of discomfort or pain.”
“The beautiful thing about sex is LEARNING with each other. It won’t be perfect like the movies, but it will be beautifully intimate. Be okay with letting go of your expectations and just enjoy each other. I so wish someone had told me this… ”
“Calm your nerves enough to ENJOY what’s happening. It’s such a beautiful time that just the two of you get to experience. And when he asks, don’t be shy about being vocal about what you enjoy with him. He desires to please you as much as you want to please him. Also, like the other ladies said, it won’t look anything like the movies or books portray, and that’s okay.” (Whitney)
“Remind yourself that it will get better!”
“We’re five years into our marriage and are still learning one another! Take your time. Don’t take yourselves too seriously and communicate openly!”
“The awkwardness makes it sweet. And such special memories, during sex, for the rest of your marriage.”
“It’s not a performance. It’s deeply knowing one another in every way. It’s a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. You get better together. Flexibility is very handy. That means being flexible in your body, but also in your expectations. It’s okay to change things up. Follow his lead. It doesn’t have to be the same way all the time. It’s okay to be sexual. God made you that way on purpose. Sex is good in marriage. It not just for him. It’s for you too. You’re supposed to enjoy it, and if you aren’t, make it a priority to work on that together.” (Lindsay)
“It’s painful! I remember thinking how in the world did my mom never tell me about how painful it is, lol? But, like anything, after the pain comes a wellspring of delight and it is worth it. It just gets better and better over time. I was a 27 year old virgin and waited for my prince, and it was worth every bit of the wait. God is so good! We’re celebrating our 10 year anniversary.”
“Don’t be disappointed if it’s really painful the first few times! It was for me and I actually bled. I was not expecting it, but it gets better. My husband was as sweet and patient with me as he could be.”
“Take it slow. Don’t rush. It’s gonna hurt a bit but don’t feel like you need to suffer either. You can try again the next night. And also, it shouldn’t be completely unbearable. If it hurts so bad that you can’t stand it, go speak to your OBGYN. You may have a special condition. They’ll help you. Don’t force yourself. You could hurt yourself severely.”
“Have fun! Enjoy being sexy for your husband and giving yourself to him. Let yourself go, and don’t overthink it too much. Use some type of lubricant! (You can buy one or use a natural oil such as coconut oil.) We’ve always used lubricants and sex was never painful for me, even the first time. If you feel awkward or don’t know how to start, ask if he’ll give you a full-body massage. Taking a shower or a bath together are also good ideas!”
“Pray with your spouse before you enter that special time. Lubrication! Dim the lights. Play some music – lightly. Light a candle. It will probably be uncomfortable the first time… or five. Go slow and let your husband enjoy. It will come with time for you to fully enjoy and orgasm.” (Joanna)
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
Proverbs 5:19