Whenever I teach women to submit to their husbands, without fail, some will bring up that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. What many women believe this to mean is that husbands are to do whatever they can to make their wives happy. You know, “Happy wife, happy life.” They are to chase their emotions and feelings and try to satisfy their every need. Guess what? This is NOT how Christ loves the Church, contrary to popular opinion.
I love Doug Wilson’s teachings. His wife, Nancy, teaches biblical womanhood. His daughter, Rachel, encourages mothers in being godly wives, mothers, and homemakers. They are a great family! Doug shared this on Instagram the other day:
“Love your wife with holy abandon. Love her like you don’t care what the egalitarians think. Love her like you don’t care what the world says about marriage. Love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. The husband is the head of the wife, but remember, that’s not Mr. Bossy Pants. If you’re the head of your wife the way Christ is the head of the church, remember, there’s a crown of thorns involved. That’s what headship looks like.
“You are not supposed to be what the soft egalitarian world calls a ‘servant leader,’ as though you lead by serving. You serve by leading. You are to serve your wife and family by being a man – growing a backbone. You need to be someone who serves their family by leading them, protecting them, guarding them, providing for them.”
Loving one’s wife like Christ loves the Church isn’t trying to meet all of her emotional needs. It’s not bringing her roses and doing the dishes for her. It’s not all of the things women have made it up to be these days. Look at how Christ loves us. He doesn’t try to meet all of our emotional needs. He wants us to take every thought captive to the obedience of Him. He doesn’t do our work for us. He leads us through His Word. He is our great Protector. He guards us and provides for us.
If you have a husband who is leading, protecting, guarding, and providing for you, you are blessed! My husband has always done this for me, but when I was younger, I didn’t think this was enough. I thought he was supposed to do all I wanted him to do, act like I wanted him to, and help me with the housework even though he worked his tail off to provide for us. I didn’t appreciate that he was showing us love by working hard to provide, protect, and lead us. This is how husbands nurture and cherish us. They are looking out for our well-being.
In the past when a young women would come up to me and ask me if I would mentor her because she was having problems in her marriage, I would ask her these questions: “Does he work hard to provide for you? Is he faithful to you? Is he a good father?” If she answered “yes” to all of these, I told her she married a good man. Women expect men to be their white and shining armors like they are in Hollywood; always passionate, romantic, at their beck and call, and serving their every need. No! This isn’t reality.
If you have a husband who is leading his family to the best of his ability, protecting his family, guarding, and providing for you, appreciate him, dear women. Stop having worldly expectations on him. These are so destructive to marriage and will never allow you to have an intimate marriage that you desire. In order to have this, you must live according to God’s principles for you, not the ones that culture has set.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.