Years ago, I was sitting at the lunch table with a handful of the teachers where I taught. I was pregnant at the time. Every single woman at the table admitted that they regretted having children. (This reminded me of one of my bridesmaids coming to me on my wedding day telling me she regretted getting married!) I was shocked! I couldn’t imaging regretting having children. My mom loved having and raising children. I was looking so forward to it.
Yes, it’s hard. Yes, pregnancy and delivery are hard. Yes, disciplining and training children are hard. It’s all very hard, but oh, so worth it! I have never once regretted having my children. No, not even in during the hard times. Why did these teachers regret having children, and I never have?
There’s an article called Inside the Growing Movement of Women Who Wish They’d Never Had Kids. Here are the reasons listed for the regrets in quotes. My responses are after each quote.
“She was overwhelmed and frustrated, prone to lengthy crying jags, and consumed by boredom and dissatisfaction.” This is why young women need older women in their lives. Their mothers need to help if they’re around. (However, my mom had no help and still LOVED having babies and raising them.) They also need to be taught the value of what they are doing, raising the next generation!
“Day after day, as they change diapers, drive to soccer practice, and help with college applications, they fantasize about a life unburdened by dependents and free from the needs of others.” This is why God commands that we take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. If they learn to not fantasize but learn that godliness with contentment is great gain, they will find satisfaction and fulfillment in what they are doing.
“I know my life would have been much happier and more fulfilled without children.” Why? Did she raise her children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord? Was she the one home full time to train and discipline them? I can’t imaging being happier and more fulfilled than I was and am raising my children and now helping with my grandchildren.
“I wish I would never had kids. I realize I am not mother material, and I am terrified thinking how I am going to be forced to take care of it.” All women are mother material. They need to be taught. Older women need to step up and teach the younger women to love their children. Mothers need to be home full time to show their daughters how to be godly wives and mothers instead of living like feminists in the workforce.
“‘I wonder if my accomplishments would be more spectacular,’ says Ananya, a 38-year-old freelance writer and editor who divides her time between the United States and Singapore. ‘Would I have written my second or third book? Would I be able to travel to chase that elusive story? I feel motherhood has slowed me down so much.’” Feminism convinced women that there was more “out there.” The workforce and travel is where it’s at supposedly. She needs to read all of the stories of women who lived that life and now are full of regrets. They are lonely with their cats.
“With mothers, it’s simply expected that you will be an attentive, highly-involved caretaker, and there is no praise when you are.” Yes, if a woman becomes a mother, her attention and energy must go into her children. It’s a sacrificial life with many blessings. Our praise comes from the Lord, and guess what? It comes from our husband, children, and grandchildren if we have poured our lives and love into them.
“They lamented to her a life of responsibility that never ends (“once a mother always a mother”) and conveyed a general sense that motherhood was a bad fit—that it’s not always, without question, good for every woman.” Again, it’s because women are listening to the lies of feminism. Most women these days were raised by absent mothers, and no one taught them the value of motherhood. They are lost and floundering.
“Women are now expected to lean in both at work and at home, never missing a board meeting or ballet recital.” Women weren’t created to do it all. They weren’t created for the workforce and home. They were created for a life at home. When a mother is home full time, she won’t have to worry about board meetings, and she will love going to her daughter’s ballet recital. I sure did!
Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Mothers Who Regret Having Children