In Genesis 3:16, we are told that a woman’s desire will be for her husband. This desire is to control him, not to learn to serve and please him. Controlling our husband comes from Eve and the Fall. We all do it in some way or another. Some do it outright and others do it in subtle ways.
I listened to a sermon given by Costi Hinn recently titled The Portrait of a Godly Wife from 1 Peter 3:1-6. It was an excellent sermon! He gave nine ways that wives have subtle dominance over their husbands. We may have not thought of these things before, but they are definitely contrary to being a godly, submissive wife with a gentle and quiet spirit.
- Moodiness. Women are great at using moodiness to get their way. I sure did when I was young. I love what Dennis Prager said about being moody. It’s like spraying your body odor all over another! Stop being moody. When you’re being moody, you’re allowing your emotions and feelings to dictate your behavior rather than Truth. Renew your mind with Truth and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
- Silent Treatment. I sure was good at this too. We use it as a way to manipulate our husbands into getting our way. I have not given my husband the silent treatment for many, many years. Looking back, I can see how ugly and godless this behavior is.
- Avoidance response. I am guessing this means not responding to our husband’s requests and desires. When they ask us to do something, instead of obeying them, we avoid them and may even act like we didn’t hear them. This is not submitting to our husbands in everything.
- Manipulation. We can use all of the above as a way to manipulate our husbands in order to dominate them. We are good at manipulation. We can manipulate them through temper tantrums, withholding sex, silent treatment, arguing with them and being contentious. Learn to have meek and quiet spirits instead.
- Threats and intimidation to get our way. Some of these definitely overlap since this is a manipulation tactic too. I don’t ever remember using threats and intimidation to get my way, however. If you do this, please stop. You are destroying your marriage by acting this way.
- Anger when challenged or disagreed with. Yes, I can relate to this one. We must learn to not allow discussions turn into arguments by simply giving our opinions and then leaving it there. We don’t need to be right; for if we fight to be right, we are wrong. Your relationship with your husband is FAR more important than being right.
- Untruthful behavior or exaggeration. He mentioned the budget in this one. It can include hiding money you’re spending. Not telling the truth in what you’ve been doing in order to hide something. Be honest and open with your husband. Do what he tells you to do, exactly how he tells you to do.
- Won’t accept “no.” You want him to take you on a trip, buy you something, or any number of different things you want, but he says “no.” You don’t like his “no” so you keep nagging him about it. You won’t give it up. THIS is not being a submissive, godly wife.
- Blaming others and circumstance, playing the victim. Women are good at this. They often use their past to justify their present behavior or attitude and play the victim card. Stop! Learn who you are in Christ. Your past no longer defines you. You are a new creature in Christ who now walks in the Spirit and in newness of life. Read Romans 6 and 8 until you believe what God says about you!
I encourage you all to listen to this sermon. He also gives a number of things that wives are not to submit to such as submitting to sin. We are to obey God over our husbands, but we must not use our conscience as God. It must be clearly commanded in God’s Word. Don’t manipulate your husband to get your way. Obey him in everything as unto the Lord.
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1 Peter 3:1-6
The Subtle Dominance of Wives